I like that variation of mom. Although, I prefer mami when speaking in my native language. Mom sounds strange in my mouth and mommy sounds too desperately American-cute. Mother, too priggish and formal. And it downplays that personal connection. Australian cousins say mum too, along with other terms like "that's a bookie" and "that one's a ripper" (referring to photos) in their amazing accents.
I've been thinking things over a bit. I know it's been so long, but I still can't see myself going on. I just can't just get over things. And this is something that, perhaps, I will never get over. Because, I don't know. Maybe I'm just expecting that one day I'll wake up and things will be back the way they were before.. complete. Not perfect but just fuller.
There's some regret here and there. I don't believe that we can live without regret. Immediate regret is, well, imminent. Living without regrets.. requires you accept and love things the way they are. Maybe not now, not in a year, ten years, or twenty one and fifty six days. But someday, when we've realized why we're here, what's our purpose.
A lot of reminiscing about childhood. I remember.. how I fell on the corner of the table, over the sidewalk, etc. and the adults would immediately slap the inanimate object and scold it "bad table!" It's bittersweet. I miss those carefree days and growing up isn't easy.. but I'll learn to accept it. And I'll love the people that I love.. and hold all that close to me. We need that more than anything.
Written. We shall see if I get a response.
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
-Wake Me Up When September Ends, Green Day
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