The sound of running dogs scares me. There was this group of people sitting around in a circle playing duck duck goose or something. Some guy got up to run, he must have had keys in his pocket. So the keys are jangling away and I almost ran myself off the sidewalk because it sounded like a huge dog with a chain link leash bouncing after it. I don't really care what dog it is. These two little pomeranian fluff things started pelting after me on this street once and really, a few feet further, I would have climbed up the nearest tree. If that's even possible. It's not that I don't like dogs. The sound is just a bit startling.
Other things.
They posted another article today about a negligence case. A father refused to seek medical care for his diabetic daughter and, instead, resorted to praying. Charged of second degree homicide. It's not my place to question people's beliefs, but I don't think the girl's father listened well enough. Yes, I think that prayer is healing. But it's our tendency to pray and to wait. And practically turn off our senses while we anticipate the answer. But who says miracles come in wrapped packages? Who says an angel will come before us and say, your daughter has been healed? We are sent little miracles and healing touches from God everyday but we're blind to that, because we're expecting something else. Something magnificently handed to us. Yes, we are blessed, but no one can control what we do with those blessings but ourselves. Maybe sometimes, we're prone to looking for an answer way way past the horizon when it's sitting right before our eyes. We're prone to wait and wait and wait, when our prayers have already been answered.
I think I kind of give up trying to spend time with friends, for now. Don't really know, it's like water on floorboards. I can't really integrate myself into a group, it's just difficult. It's like watching a fishbowl. Quite simply, I'm just watching. I don't feel like I'm a part of anything. There or not, it doesn't make much of a difference. Hard to explain. No blame here, though, but for myself. My fault for pushing people away in the first place..
Something I'd love to do sometime. To walk under a blanket of stars on a summer night, put my worries aside for a moment. That would be absolutely splendid.
I think.. I have a lot of things I want to do and accomplish. But some things aren't meant to have schedules. I might have to regulate my work and such, to make sure I finish it. Yet, in other aspects, the thought of planning out my life makes me outright depressed. I do not really want to live life on the edge. But, occasionally, some freedom is nice. It's kind of awkward to me.. when I overhear young people planning out when they're going to get married, etc. Are these things ever planned? Or do they just happen?
Oh, and wouldn't it be lovely, to learn how to dance?
"And if I'm flying solo,
At least I'm flying free.
To those who'd ground me,
Take a message back from me..."
-Defying Gravity, Wicked
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