Listening

I don't like the judge's room. Young people abuse power when it's given to them. Yes. Thank you for restricting oral critiques from student judges. I'm just slightly offended and slightly annoyed. Funny thing how people talk as though no one is listening. Sure, you went on insulting her right after you glanced around the room to make sure she wasn't there. Your insults would have worked just perfectly, concealed between you and your friends. Too bad the teammates of your subject of ridicule were sitting right behind you. Part of me wanted to turn around and politely request that you stop. And part of me just wanted to sit there and laugh on the inside.. at how careless you were to make that mistake in the first place.. because, frankly, I believe this girl you pointlessly criticized behind her back is amazing at what she does.

Today.. I don't know what I'm doing. I feel very.. disoriented. I might as well just go to sleep.. literally giving up because I'm just clear out of it today. Hardly know what I'm saying, hardly listening at the same time. But no.. I'll just drink cold water.. and work.. because I need to.. I'm awefully behind. The more I break apart, it seems, the more I'm wanting to be alone.. with only silence as a companion. Bothers me.. how I can be satisifed with just that now.

With me, it seems.. passion dies down quickly. Nope, nothing's going to wait for me to start living.

My cousin is in California now.. please keep him in your prayers. And I haven't heard from his family in a few months, but Michael too.. healed by His hands. Pray that the family keeps their eyes focused on God through this ordeal. This reminds me of the fishermen in Matthews. We'll be guided if we allow ourselves to be. I'm going to memorize Psalm 23 again.. it's comforting.