Here again

Suddenly.. I feel so distant. Maybe it'll change, eventually. I just don't feel as comfortable around people I used to spend so much time with. Perhaps because I haven't spent too much time around people. It's just awkward. I feel like I'm forcing myself to laugh just to be sociable.

OCD is getting the best of me. It's difficult to describe. A numbing sort of pain. Certain things just trigger an alarm in my mind, and it's utterly intolerable. Familiarity is one thing, but the repetition quite literally drives me insane. It's one of those things I want to control.. but can't. I think I must have had more control in the past. Now I just feel like that one mailbox person.

The girl's hardly a puppy anymore. I haven't seen her much in the past two days, but I don't remember her being that tall. I don't know. If it works out, I hope she can make someone's struggles a bit more tolerable. Therapy animals can do things people fail to do, sometimes.

Someone else speaks my language. It's incredibly exciting. Though it's not much of a concern right now, I mourn the day we sacrifice all culture and heritage and background and history for the sake of convenience and popular communication. Language being torn to pieces. Really, people are its appendages and its way of movement. A precursor to Babel's end?

I'm not functioning properly right now. I need to find a block of time to just sleep, eventually. It's just.. there's little peace of mind sleeping at the usual hours. I think I fell asleep for some time in the mpr today. Oh well. I think that might be why I'm not as tired as I should be right now.

Pharmacy. "You make a lot of money and it's easy--there's a lot of repetition." I disagree with the last point. Despite the good intentions, I won't let myself be drawn to something.. just because it's lucrative. I don't want to spend my life pursuing these wordly profits. Honestly, it seems like that passion for learning.. doesn't mean much anymore, does it? All things done for the money or the fame. It's a funny thing. I'm not understood. Well, I think some people assume they know me more than they might. "It's memorizing.. and not a lot of challenge, you do much of the same things. You don't have to deal with people." Though I highly doubt that's the truth of it all--it semms to underestimate pharmaceuticology quite a bit. Yet, the concept of maybe existing without a challenge.. does not sound very appealing. Anyhow, it's just sickening to enter a field not feeling very passionate about it.. just to earn the profits. Furnishing, particularly the medical field, with people just going through the motions. I'll try not to generalize. I have seen some absolutely amazing people who no less than love what they do. I'm just troubled by maybe never finding that passion. It's lacking.

Anyway, I haven't found the right words to express what I'd like to say. I think the past ten years have changed more than I've realized. Or want to realize, anyway.

Oh, and it is me.