So now

I've always thought about going to different places. But that doesn't matter, does it? I'll be the same person regardless of where I am, at least in terms of happiness or whatnot. If I'm not happy here, what difference will it make if I'm elsewhere? People are never satisfied. Suppose, I'm no exception. I might as well stay where I am.

I like eating ice. I don't see how that's particularly strange. That was random.

"She told me not to tell you this, but she told me that you're so insecure in your religion." You should tell me something that I don't know. I don't think it's a bad thing to question your beliefs sometimes. And I'm very insecure, I'll tell you that. Things have happened where I've questioned the state of my existence and other things. Because I've had to. I've felt the need to. Do I actually have a purpose? Or am I just here to live and die? Am I dying every day or just preparing myself for life? Is there a heaven? I don't believe that I can become a stronger person by just sitting there and letting people and institutions feed me information. There's no single answer for everyone. And maybe some people are happy with that and it's fine for them, but somehow I'm driven to believe that there's not one person who hasn't questioned religion, faith, and the likes of it. We're all struggling after all.. to understand this great scheme of things called life.

Okay. I'm rambling now. I don't know what I'm saying.

So, I came home today and the first thing I see when I walk out to the backyard is this big box-like grill covered in this old plastic. It scared the heck out of me, I nearly fainted. It was eerie looking, if you catch my drift.

On the car ride home today, I was thinking. Excuse me for talking nonsense, but I think that people should wear colorful clothing for my funeral. I just wanted to say that. Black and white seems to make things more dreary. I guess it means respect for some people. But I think I'd like color. It might make my life seem less boring. Okay. Nevermind. I didn't really need to say all that. Sixteen is still young, I guess. I shouldn't be saying things like this. But I just thought I'd mention it. I was telling an older family member my requests. Usually, she'd shrug me off. Yet, I found it strange that this time she actually encouraged it. Which kind of bothered me.

Well then. Now, I'm really rambling. That was an inappropriate topic for a blog post. Oh well. I can see why I'm not a very interesting person to talk to. And even the people who say that they want someone to talk to push me away. I guess I need to dwell more on humorous and light topics. I'm not very good at making people laugh.